btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
