is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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