Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
