i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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