I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
