she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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