the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
