Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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