I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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