If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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