So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need water and some morals
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
