Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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