So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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