Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
