so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
