you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
