Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
