i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
