Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
