I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
