??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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