he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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