I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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