And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
