im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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