My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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