Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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