Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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