Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
