You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
