dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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