strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
