So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
