The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
