Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
