Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
