I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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