I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
