That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
