Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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