Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
