If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
