Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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