Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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