Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
