You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
