I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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