all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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