1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
