I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
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