I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
