I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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