I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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