There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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