i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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