Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had sex on a roof
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
