he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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