she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
