He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Loading more great texts...