I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
