i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
