Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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