I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
