I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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