He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
