i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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