Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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