Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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