At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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