its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
