so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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