**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
