Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
