I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
