Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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