My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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