6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
did you just send me my own nude
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
